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The worst category is a guilty pleasure for many readers. As much as we love the beautiful covers in the other categories, it’s such fun to see the covers that have gone so horribly wrong! (And your comments are a wonderful treat for us – I wish we could include all of them because they are so much fun.) This year there was a big change in this category. This is the first time we have included print books from small presses. We’ve seen so many wonderful covers from small press books in the best categories over the last few years, so it’s only fair to include them on the wall of shame as well. Many of the comments included words of sympathy for the authors. Or as Pamela put it describing New Blood, “If someone made this my cover I would shoot myself. No scratch that! I would shoot them!”
Vanilla Heart Publishing |
Werewolf Sanctuary by Eva Gordon was the winner by a wide margin. Readers weren’t quite sure what the cover was trying to
convey – but it wasn’t good.
Heather: “...This one looks like the sad tortured tale of a giraffe shifter who likes to molest innocent puppies! WRONG WRONG WRONG.” Diane: “...I just love those hyena pups! I assume those are their parents in the background and this is a story about romance between different species.” Cover Cafe’s Cindy: “Instead of a look of terror a werewolf is supposed to give, this puts me more in the mind of the old cartoon Plastic Man. Who can be afraid or even romantically involved with a plastic band?” Xina: “Looks painful.. and why are the babies involved in this?? Run little baby wolves!!” And Ann: OMG! He's ejaculating puppies! AND he has no head! Noite was not a fan either: “This cover is so laughably bad that I have a hard time taking it seriously. I literally "howled" with laughter when I first saw it. The others are just horrible (each in their own eyeball searing way) but this cover, and the placement of the wolf cubs (are those even wolf cubs?) are so terribly bad, it stood head and tails above the rest.”
Saundra agreed: “ Marguerite was equally appalled: “Where to start? Let’s start with the howling cubs exploding out of his stomach. Then we can move on to the distorted body of the man. What the hey happened to his right arm? Did Mama wolf bite it off? It’s almost beautiful in its dreckitude.” Joyce agreed: “Such a hard choice every year, but this one takes the biscuit. I can quite see why this poor tortured guy, the wolf and the cubs are all howling. They’re crying at the injustice of being included on this truly awful cover.” |
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Mr. Hyde’s Assets by Sheridon Smythe made it into second place. It’s a good thing that Mr.
Hyde is computer generated, because our voters had a few things to say about his assets.
Julie: “Well, the title is Mr. Hyde’s Assets, but they are nowhere to be seen.” Nana: “Mr. Hyde’s Assets is terribly sad, since he appears not to have any. (Nor, strangely, does he have any leg hair.)” Islandelf: “Mr. Hyde suffers from the direct opposite problem as NOTHING seems to be coming out of his pants, no matter the angle!” Donna: “It seems as if Mr. Hyde’s lost some of his Assets. Perhaps he just got out of that very cold water.” Andrew described this cover as: “a poolside crime scene photo”. Emily commented: “...The ridiculous play on words is obvious even without the awful picture. Sadly, Mr. Hyde’s assets are NOT appealing. And he looks a little doughy. Get that man some serious sunscreen before he crisps up like bacon...” Several Cover Cafe members also voted for this one, including Tina: “I hated this cover since I first saw it, and it doesn’t get any better. Ugh. The angle, the title, the weirdly shaped Speedo. It’s just awful.” Cover Cafe’s Katherine actually voted for another cover, but she had this to say: “Mr. Hyde is the opposite of sexy. Who thought that cover would sell books? He looks so ridiculous – the shorts, the pose, the diving board – it’s actually kind of funny. I think publishers should have to answer these questions. Covers that are this bad should never make it into print.” |
The Wild Rose Press |
Samhain Publishing, Ltd. |
Redline Lover by Charlene Teglia came in third place, just three votes behind. Even readers who voted for other covers made comments
about this one.
Nana voted for another cover, but noted: “Redline Lover is terribly subtle. It’s trying to tell me something about the hero, but I just can’t put my finger on what…” Readers weren’t sure whether to laugh or feel sorry for the guy. As Wendy said: “...It looks like there was a fiery crash between the car going in reverse at high speed and that poor guy’s crotch. I wonder if anyone survived?” And Heather: "Love the fact that fire and a car are coming from this guy's crotch. What can say romance more than that! It makes me giggle every time I see it." Or Janet: “...I bet his female partner says ouch-ouch-ouch more often than oh-oh-oh.” TJB: “...I don’t even want to think about the rash he’s gonna have later...” And Cecilia: “Having a baby was hard enough, can’t imagine passing a flaming vehicle out your crotch”. This cover also sent giggles through the Cover Cafe committee. Lee summed up our reaction: “It makes me laugh and I don’t think that was the author’s intent.” Cover Cafe’s Linnae agreed: “They are all bad but the motorized vehicle exploding from the poor guy’s groin area has to be my pick. I guess they were trying to create the impression that this dude is one red, hot lover but I don’t think there would be much left after the explosion." Brittany added: “I am convinced the publishers want my eyes to melt out of the sockets. I think I’ll beat them to it by scratching them out. This year has some of the worst to date, but Redline Lover? I would be afraid to pick it up for fear of the oil from his body smearing onto my hand.” |
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New Blood by Gail Dayton came in fourth. A lot of voters were confused and wondered if this
book had been misshelved. Several Cover Cafe members wondered the same thing.
Cover Cafe's Leanne said: “It looks like it should be the cover of a horror novel.” Cover Cafe’s Karen H. agreed: “...I had to go with this cover since it just doesn’t look anything like a romance novel but like some sort of horror bloodfest!...” Nora wasn't a fan either: "Creepy and disturbing. I think I'll have nightmares tonight!" And Jill agreed: "Wow, these are all really bad, but I vote for New Blood b/c it makes me actively afraid to read the book. I'm not too squeamish, but blood splatter across the whole skirt? Little much." Laura commented: “It looks like a spoof of a Hollywood Horror poster from the 50’s, but not a romance.” LizA couldn’t figure it out either: “...Tor should know better! This one looks like zombies on steroids. Maybe that is what it is about, but still, it is rather off-putting.” Other voters had something else in mind. Nana described it as: “...terribly inappropriate for a romance. The cover suggest that the story is a graphic hybrid of Bride of Chucky and Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret. There is probably some less appropriate combination to invoke to sell your romance novel, but honestly, none are leaping to mind.” Ellen agreed: “Never have I seen such a graphic depiction of what happens when we don’t have feminine products on hand during Aunt Flo’s monthly visit! Her face is appropriately stiff with embarrassment, though. And are those some kind of weird tampons on the wall behind her, or syringes, or spaceships, or what? Why is her neck so creepily long? It looks like she’s a member of that Indonesian tribe who wears the brass rings around their necks, only with a white satin lace gown over them.” |
Tor Books |
Phaze |
The fifth place cover, Add a Little Mistletoe by Aliyah Burke, also left readers confused. The mistletoe on the cover
was described as “a giant parasite” (Jenn), “an alien coming out of her back” (Cathy), “a woman’s back scooped
out and mistletoe growing in it” (Pat) and a “cartoonish blob” (Andi).
Elizabeth observed: "You call that a *little* mistletoe?!" Beth agreed: "That's not a "little" mistletoe! And why is the guy making out with it? Is this some new genre of paranormal where women shapeshift into plants?" Andrew may have described it best: “The mistletoe one is just plain bad, so bad it’s hard to even tell exactly what I’m looking at. Is the heroine a mutant with a huge plant growing out of her back, which the witch-doctor hero tries to cure with a red ribbon and some sexual healing? I can’t tell from the cover, and I really don’t even want to know.” Actually, I think Andrew’s book sounds kind of interesting! The hero doesn’t come off well either. Michelle wondered: “I think he is making out with a plant – or is the heroine a plant? I’m not sure, but either way, I don’t want to read it.” Karina agreed: “Is he.. kissing the mistletoe? Is that leafy foliage amazingly hot? What exactly is going on here?” Other voters were just frustrated by the bad cover design. Jelly noted: “They’ve inexplicably plonked a huge bunch of mistletoe on top of the couple on the cover, and if that wasn’t enough, placed the title type over their faces and I can’t for the life of me figure out what’s going on in that scene. I see a couple of hands, a shoulder and the top of someone else’s head.” Heather felt the same way: “They’re all really bad, but this one doesn’t even seem like the artist tried. At least the other ones are humorous in their horribleness.” |
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The sixth place cover, the anthology Cocked and Fully Loaded, received less than half as many votes as the previous cover.
In this category, that’s a compliment! But readers who voted for this book were equally appalled by the title and the cover.
Cei was one of them: “Really? You know there were multiple meetings with this title and picture on the table and no one thought to say, 'Isn’t this title a little obvious, trite and gross?' In addition, one had the unsavory cowboy hat model who I doubt would be interested in a woman. And the man on a horse apparently whipping something. Awesome.” Other voters had some interesting descriptions of the hero. Yuri: “...He looks like a doofus (who wears a kerchief without a shirt?) and what reader deserves a stupid hero?” Caroline: “Attack of the Zombie Cowboys!” Nathalie: “...Wanted.. please dead and not alive!” Bron: “Cheesy title, cheesy fake cowboy (real cowboys don’t wax their pits). Urk.” Amanda: “It would be perfect as gay cowboy porn, but sadly looks like it’s misfired.” Catherine: “By the look on his face, I’d bet his arm pit stinks.” And my favorite from Kelly: “I cross the line at man-boobs. And this guy only has one. He’s lopsided!” |
Noble Romance Publishing |
Ellora's Cave Publishing, Inc. |
Made for Two Rivals by Madison Hayes came in seventh. Reader’s weren’t sure what the heroine was wearing, but they had some ideas.
Maree voted for a curtain: “...He-man, gay male model striking a pose, and woman gettin’ it on with a gauzy curtain? Oh yeah.” Kelly thought it was a sheet: “...She’s terribly airbrushed and seems to be pleasuring herself with a sheet. Meanwhile, the two guys are too busy posing to notice their girlfriend’s.. erm.. needs. And they’re not nearly as cute as the puppies.” And Sarah thought of bath tissue: “With the outfit the girl is wearing, she looks like she’s trying out as the new spokesmodel for Cashmere bathroom tissue.” The word bizarre came up several times. Stephanie: “This is so bizarre that I even know where to start. It appears that Mars is looming in the distance, and if there is a mostly naked woman writing on the beach in ecstasy, why are the beefcakes over there posing in their matching black manties?” Sandy: “Where is this taking place? It’s impossible to tell! Love the curtains or whatever she has wrapped herself in, and are we to assume that they wax regularly on this planet? Those guys look almost identical except for the badass tattoo one of them is sporting! Yup, this is pretty bad.” |
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Our eight place cover, Pregnesia by Carla Cassidy, has been featured on Cover Cafe’s web site for it’s silly title, but the
cover is pretty silly too choice.
Jessie found it laughable: “Every single cover in this category is truly awful, but this is the only one that made me laugh out loud, and not in a good way. The title, the hand on the belly, the man in all black… it is all ridiculous and too much. I would be mortified being caught reading this book...” Jenn agreed: “...Pregensia is just.. ridiculous. (Not to mention, it’s made the spellcheck complain.) Is she supposed to have forgotten she was pregnant? Good luck on that, lady...” Lynn didn't like anything about this cover: "It's just so wrong. The title, the vacant expressions on everyone's faces. Even the baby bump looks a little oddly placed. Neither did Kate: "*groan* Seriously?? Seriously?? Oh man. I just...wow. So hard to pick one, but I had to go with Pregnesia - she looks like she's got a pillow under her dress, he's got a death grip on it. Just the whole idea is so off-putting. Blech." This was my choice for worst (although it was a hard decision!) I’m not sure what the hero and heroine are doing here – he’s groping her thigh, she’s trying to run while holding her belly (which looks way too low – one voter described it as a beach ball) and they both look more confused than anything else. The whole cover is just unappealing. Harlequin has shown that they can create some great covers, so I expect better from them! |
Harlequin |
The Wild Rose Press |
Penguin Group, USA |
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Said the Spider to the Fly by Miss Mae came in ninth place. Most voters found it out of place in romance.
B.E.S.: “It looks like a poster for a bad 50’s B-movie”. Heather: “That’s a romance? Looks like a kid’s book”. Karen M.: “It’s like they stole a bad cover from the 1940’s.” JackiAnne: “Roses, webs, spiders, and a woman clawing her face with… is that a necklace attached to her pinkie? Yeah, that says love and romance to me.” Rebecca: I hate spiders so that was enough to make this cover "win" in this category for me! Cover Cafe’s Katherine was torn but finally chose this cover: “I went with this cover because it is absolutely hideous. I would not read this book even if it was free. The cover is just too revolting...” Maria agreed: “These nominees are supposed to be romance novels, right? What a failure this cover is. Unlike some other worst cover candidates, it doesn’t show a hunk or a couple trying and failing to be sexy – but at least they were trying. It doesn’t even look moody and suspenseful. It’s just an ugly mess.” |
Fair Game by Jasmine Haynes came in last place – which could be a good thing in this category.
Most readers were annoyed by the color scheme, including Eleanor: “When are publishers going to quit with the monochrome already. If it's not lurid green it's a scary purple but red is just the worst! I want a romance not a massacre story! ” Maria agreed: “The red wash over the whole cover is just plain annoying!” Donald also disliked the red overload: “When will artists / directors / nameless progenitors learn about color? Red gel over everything destroys any image and then to use another amberish color for typeface – indecent!” Other voters were baffled by the figures on the cover. Blythe voted for another cover, but commented about this one: “Is it just me, or are there extra body parts, and then also missing body parts? She apparently has no boobs, but then there is something floating between them. How NOT romantic.” Andrew was concerned about the heroine who has: “Disappearing Butt Syndrome (DBS)”. And Marcella disliked everything about the cover: “Penguin obviously couldn’t even be bothered to spend any money on a bad cover. The photo is bad, the colors are bad, the typography is horrible – it looks cheap and conveys the message that this book is not worth reading.” |
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